HOLD YOUR FIRE
Michele Lourie c 2016
(Speaks through the nose throughout the monologue. Carries a very large ‘handkerchief’ and a roll of paper with the prescription written on it)
(Sneezes loudly, several times)
I didn’t do anything wrong. (sniffs loudly)
What if a knight turns up and wants to fight me?
I eat my red hot chillies every day and keep my snout wrapped during the winter months. So where did this cold come from? (sneezes and wipes nose with handkerchief)
I went to the Dragon Ear Nose and Throat Specialist.
He tweaked my tail and if I hadn’t lost my fire I would have burnt the roof off, but nothing happened – except my tail felt sore. (sniffs)
The doctor asked me to say ‘Ah’ while he poked down my snout with a big stick, and all that came out was a tiny ‘Argh!’
BUT NO FIRE!!
Doctor ‘D’ walked up and down – little puffs of flame coming out of his nostrils.
Then he patted me on the head and gave me this prescription.
(opens out roll of paper)
GO TO THE VOLCANO AND SWALLOW SOME LAVA THREE TIMES A DAY
Wow! That might just do it!
(Sneezes all the way off stage)
