With this duologue, Little ‘Jack’ must be a girl, so as to be humorous. Will ‘Jack’ (Jacqueline) be represented by a lawyer and sue the Royal Pudding and Pie Company for selling her a Christmas pudding with prunes inside, instead of the plums advertised on the box?
THE LAWYER & LITTLE ‘JACK’ HORNER
By Michele Lourie c. 2020
LAWYER: Please come in – how do you do. I’m ……….
‘JACK’: How do you do? (shakes hand) Little Jack Horner.
LAWYER: Jack? Isn’t that a boy’s name?
‘JACK’: Short for Jacqueline.
LAWYER: Ah, of course. And the ‘little’?
‘JACK’: My father was known as ‘Big Jack Horner’.
LAWYER: Oh, I see, (I think). How can I help you?
‘JACK’: I wish to lodge a lawsuit against the Royal Christmas Plum Pudding & Pie Co. Ltd.
LAWYER: Indeed? Aren’t they the providers of pies to the Royal Family?
‘JACK’: That’s correct. They have the Royal Seal of approval for their products.
LAWYER: Mmm. So, what is the issue?
‘JACK’: False advertising.
LAWYER: Could you elaborate?
‘JACK’: Certainly. I had bought a Royal Christmas Plum Pudding and on Christmas morning I sat in my corner to eat it when ……
LAWYER: (interrupting) Just let me make some notes as we go along. So ….
Little Jack Horner, sat in a corner
Eating her Christmas pie;
Right so far?
‘JACK’: Yes.
LAWYER: What happened next?
‘JACK’: Well, I put in my thumb ….
LAWYER: (interrupting) Just one moment, please. Did you say you put your thumb into the pie? Surely you meant you put in a spoon?
‘JACK’: I always use my thumb to eat my pie. It’s not against the health rules, is it?
LAWYER: Not that I know of…..
OK, so you put in your thumb …..
‘JACK’” (holds up a prune on her thumb as she speaks) And pulled out a prune …. Not a plum. Don’t you see? It says the pie is a plum pie not a ‘prune’ pie.
LAWYER: I do see. Let me finish getting this all down.
Little Jack Horner, sat in a corner,
Eating her Christmas pie,
She put in her thumb
And pulled out a prune …
(pauses)
You know it would have made a better rhyme if you’d put in a spoon and pulled out a prune.
Anyway, I believe we have a case here, and we have the evidence to prove it.
‘JACK’: The ….. evidence?
LAWYER: Yes, the prune on your thumb.
‘JACK’: Ummmm…… I ate it.
LAWYER: You ate the evidence?
‘JACK’: You were taking so long writing everything down that I got hungry.
(Lawyer drops head on the table) (Jack gets up to leave, then turns back)
Actually, the prune was a nice change!
