Old Mother Hubbard is reporting the theft of her dog’s bone. The Police Chief’s questions elicit the information that the bone is at least a week old, and the Chief threatens to report the old lady to the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals Society. He considers the case closed when the old woman runs away.
OLD MOTHER HUBBARD & THE POLICE CHIEF
By Michele Lourie
Police chief enters. There is a table with a chair centre front stage.
POLICE/C: Ask Old Mother Hubbard to enter, please.
(Old Mother Hubbard and her dog enter and she sits)
Come in, come in dear lady. Please sit down and tell me your story. I am here to help in any way I can. But first, I will read out the charge sheet.
(he reads from a long piece of paper)
Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
To get her poor doggie a bone.
When she got there, the cupboard was bare,
And so the poor doggie had none.
O.M.HUB.: I am so upset, sir. My poor dog is very, very hungry because of some heartless thief.
P/CHIEF: I’m very sorry to hear it. What happened?
O.M.HUB.: I had a bone in my cupboard to feed my Rover and when I went to get it, it was gone.
P/CHIEF: What do you mean it was gone.
O.M.HUB: What do you mean, what do I mean. The bone had disappeared.
P/CHIEF: Disappeared. But how do you know it was stolen?
O.M.HUB: It wasn’t there.
P/CHIEF: I get that, but how do you know someone took it? Could your dog Rover have eaten it?
O.M.HUB: (indignantly) Rover would not take the bone without my say so. Perhaps that awful Pirate Queen and her band of ruffians came and stole it.
P/CHIEF: Pardon me madam, but you are called old Mother Hubbard. Perhaps you forgot that you had already given the dog the bone?
O.M.HUB: How dare you suggest that I am too old to remember such an important thing as feeding my Rover. I am telling you that the bone was stolen.
P/CHIEF: This bone – what sort was it?
O.M.HUB: A ham bone.
P/CHIEF: And how long had it been sitting in the cupboard waiting to be fed to your dog?
O.M.HUB: I had the ham for supper a week ago and very delicious it was.
P/CHIEF: The bone sat in your cupboard – without refrigeration – for a week?
O.M.HUB: Yes.
P/CHIEF: But that’s shocking. I may have to report you to the Cruelty to Animals organisation.
O.M.HUB: What? (she stands up hurriedly)
P/CHIEF: You can’t feed your dog a week-old bone.
O.M.HUB: Forget I was here. Forget everything.
(she hurries to the exit. P/CHIEF comes to centre front and rubs his hands together in victory)
P/CHIEF: Case – CLOSED.
