The big, bad Wolf tries to persuade Little Red Riding Hood to buy insurance on her Granny’s life. Of course, he has intentions of swallowing poor Granny, according to the nursery rhyme.
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD & THE BIG BAD WOLF
By Michele Lourie
(Little Red Riding Hood enters, the Big, Bad Wolf close behind.)
WOLF: Excuse me Madam, would you be kind enough to answer this survey?
L.R.R.H: I’m on my way to the palace for supper.
WOLF: It will only take a minute.
L.R.R.H: What is the survey about?
WOLF: Grandmothers. (He gives a huge wink to the audience)
L.R.R.H: Grandmothers? How unusual.
WOLF: Sometimes grandmothers can be quite unusual. (He speaks to the audience)
Can’t grandmothers sometimes be unusual?
Business
Tell me, Little Red Riding Hood, do you have a grandmother?
L.R.R.H: Yes, I do.
WOLF: Does your grandmother live in the woods?
L.R.R.H: How did you know?
WOLF: (Another big wink) Just a lucky guess.
L.R.R.H: Amazing.
WOLF: And I suppose you visit this grandmother on occasion and take her treats?
L.R.R.H: Of course. She is the best grandmother in the whole wide world and I love to spend time with her.
WOLF: Very commendable Madam …. I mean Ms. Does this grandmother have life insurance?
L.R.R.H: I don’t know. Should she have life insurance?
WOLF: Indeed. What if some animal comes out of the woods and eats her up?
L.R.R.H: I don’t think that’s likely to happen, do you?
WOLF: (Another wink) Should she take the chance? There are some very weird animals in the wood. Also, have you heard that the Pirate Queen may be nearby. She might want to take your dear Grandmother for ransom. Tell me, does your lovely old Grandmama live alone.
L.R.R.H: As a matter of fact, no! She has a lodger who is a huntsman. He would never let an animal eat her or the Pirate Queen to kidnap her.
WOLF: (He visibly shivers) A huntsman. Well that is fortunate. But a huntsman cannot watch over your dearly beloved grandmother all the time. Surely, he must go out to work.
L.R.R.H: Yes, he is a very fine worker who traps many animals.
WOLF: (Again shivers visibly) Bravo for him. But what if, when he is working (yet another shiver) a wolf comes knocking at your wonderful granny’s door, eats her up and then pretends to be granny herself. Imagine if you came bringing treats for her and was then eaten in turn.
L.R.R.H: What a terrible thought. But that could never happen, could it?
WOLF: (shrugs and goes to walk away very slowly) If you say so.
L.R.R.H: (runs after the wolf) Mmm, perhaps you’re right.
WOLF: Firstly, you must pay me for the Insurance contract and then sign on the dotted line.
She passes over a bag of money, signs and exits. The wolf is delighted and howls
